Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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