i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Randomize
