the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Randomize
