omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Randomize
