She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
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