My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
