It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
