After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
