I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
