I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
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