Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Randomize