Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Randomize
