The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I'm passing your future prison.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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