i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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