my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
