I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Randomize
