I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
