I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
