She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
