Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
