So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I think my moral compass just broke
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
