I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
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