at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
