he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
