Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
