you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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