you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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