Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
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I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
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Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
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