I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
