You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
