I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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