Say something about gay babies.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
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