Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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