dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
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