I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
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