What did we do last night that was yellow?
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
