We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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