i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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