fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Randomize
