seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
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