u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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