u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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