Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
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Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
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saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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