What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
