I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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