Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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