Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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