Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Randomize
