i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
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I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
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Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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