when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
