I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize