I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
