So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
You ruined the universe
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
