i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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