Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
