Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
