thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
