The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
