I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
it's great music for shaving your balls
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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