I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
