College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
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For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
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I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.