We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.