Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(415): View more from California

I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone

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(570): View more from Pennsylvania

Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer

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(703): View more from Virginia

I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.

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(718): View more from New York

he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs

(1-718): View more from New York

I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.

(718): View more from New York

the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.

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25 People Didn’t Realize They Were Talking To Someone Famous
Read it at the TFLN blog
(904): View more from Florida

5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.

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(254): View more from Texas

In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.

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(312): View more from Illinois

the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses

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(901): View more from Tennessee

Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.

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(331): View more from Illinois

So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.

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