Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(909): View more from California

College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.

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(209): View more from California

I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.

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(914): View more from New York

just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix

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(806): View more from Texas

Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep

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Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Read it at the TFLN blog
(251): View more from Alabama

For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.

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(870): View more from Arkansas

Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.

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(678): View more from Georgia

I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.

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(631): View more from New York

My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.

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