it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
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