stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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