I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
