I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Randomize
