it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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