The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
She's not a foreskin expert like you
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Randomize
