You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
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