if i can run in heels then i can drive
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize
