oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
