Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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